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| So, i was randomnly reminded of this website through a friend. After reading through some of the stuff that I had written in here, I know that I've gone a long way. A lot has changed, though I do not struggle with the same things that I did two years ago when i put this on my xanga, I feel like the fact that I've been healed from it, I want to share it. My response would be the underlined....
God's the bold. A girl asks god to protect her. “My child I do not have the power. I love you, but I have given man free will. I will bless you with courage, endurance, and strength. I will love you. I will allow you to free yourself. You shall not be forsaken.” The girl did not understand. She wanted out. She did not understand. But, God did give her strength and courage. She endured where many would have died. Years later, after the girl had grown into a woman, she screamed at God, demanding, “Where were you? What about all those promises? I am not free. You have allowed him to destroy me. Have you no mercy?” With tears in his eyes He looked upon his child saying, “My child, I cry for your pain. You should not have had to endure what you did, but endure you did. I am here for you. Give me your pain. I will take it on as I always have. That night when he hurt you I came and held you in my arms. I protected you. He had your body, but your soul is innocent. You have not been lost. You are loved. He can never steal that part of you. You will always be precious.” The woman wept tears of rage and despair and looked at God in silence. She wanted more. She wanted to have God save her. That night God held her in his arms and the two wept, one because she thought that she was alone, the other because He knew that she was not. ~~ God held me through the night... through the pain, the heartaches, through my lack of trust in Him and His promises. I might have not seen it at the moment when the pain was so strong and the heartache was all i felt. But looking back, my perceptions have certainly changed a lot. I am not alone, nor abandoned to go through things by myself anymore. Even though I might still be struggling a great deal when I go through those cloudy days and the rain is all i feel falling down. I can hold onto the promises and dance in the rain to know though my sorrow might last through the night, His joy comes in the morning. to be honest, I am struggling to understand and know His love and grace for me... I am want to be loved and lately been lookin for it in other people and things, but yet He continues to pursue me with His love, and with his mercy and lovingkindness, draws me close to Him, even though I might not feel like it. I am a mess, but He still loves me. I don't understand it... but i know i need it. not even sure what else to write right now... Grace flows Down (Who Am I?) Lyrics: | Over time Youve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times its just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well I am grateful that
You shined Your light on me at all
Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That You would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most high,..
Who am I?
Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I?m found
Was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song
The more I understand-
That I do not comprehend this love
That?s coming from Your hand?
Grace, grace
Gods grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace
Gods grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin?
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
Grace flows down and covers me?
(REPEAT)
And covers me?
And covers me?
And covers me?
And covers me?
(REPEAT)
Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That you would recognize my name?
Lord who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most High?
Who am I? |
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| 10/8/07 Guess what?
I am a DAUGHTER of my Heavenly Father.
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"
I am His Beloved and He is Mine
~~~~~ there is so much going on in my life right now, i cannot help but praise God through it all. words of encouragement to those i love <3
lols
what can i say? dancing in the rain before my Maker.
these past couple of months have definitely been the best months of my life, i gotta look back and only smile and thank God for just doing so much. Although there are times where trouble and a lot of pain and hurts come, I know that God has got me on His mind always.
I am His favorite one. lols. (all of us are in fact)
if you didn't know already God loves you so dearly and it's beyond anything you've ever felt or experienced. It's not a religion as some of us are accustom to. Nor is it ever suppose to be legalistic, but it is that love that forms relationship which then move us. It's the unconditional love that gets us to move and do things we've never done before. And takes us to new heights of life and living, true joy and peace and freedom.
It's the love that brings on a healing touch. Ever had a wound when you were a child, and all you had to do to make it feel better was for your parent figure to kiss it, and no matter how painful it was. It somehow felt a little bit better, knowing and being secure in the fact that you have your father or mother by your side. It's kind-of like that. Actually, it's in every way like that but even greater. It's the Heavenly Father's touch, which covers all multitudes of sin (or pains or hurts) because there's just sooo much love in it.
I am being reminded daily that I can just rest and be secure in Him. Last night during a devotion time, i was reading through Hebrews 4, and I am just in awed how as much as God wants us to do things for Him, for His kingdom, He wants us to rest even more. For it was the lack of obidence to his word that people did not enter to rest.
"6Therefore, since it remains for some to enter it, and those who formerly had good news preached to them failed to enter because of disobedience, 7He again fixes a certain day, "Today," saying through David after so long a time just as has been said before,
"TODAY IF YOU HEAR HIS VOICE,
DO NOT HARDEN YOUR HEARTS."
8For if Joshua had given them rest, He would not have spoken of another day after that. 9So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. 10For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. 11Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience. "
okay so i do not fully understand the context of this passage. (i have to study up more on the old testament). but just the fact that there is rest in God and He wants us to rest in Him and be obident, I am learning.
I am slowly but surely learning to become a Martha only because the Mary lifestyle was not what God wanted for me. Yep yeps.
and as much as the stuff He is showing me about my heart hurts at times, and as much as the stuff that is going on at home is painful, I gotta praise God that I have a family, that I get to be a part of His plan. That I never deserved any of this, yet He wants to give it to me. I am only a sinner saved by the grace of God and it is that grace that allows me to know Him. I know I've messed up more than i wanted to in these past weeks being at home. but God is still very faithful and though He sees me in my sins, He also sees me in His love and with eyes of compassion.
this verse really encouraged me last night...
"Inasmuch then as we have a great High Priest Who has [already] ascended and passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession [of faith in Him]. For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. Heb 4:14-16 (amp)
so if you are going through something, just gotta keep praising God for it, for we believe in Jesus Christ who understood everything we went through and is the hope and glory, who lives and dwells in us!
And do not condemn yourself, because that's a lie of the enemy and he would do anything to make you feel bad. And I mean anything... haha i've felt the wrath of it for so long now. but yay He broke the bondages and set the captives free! Isaiah 61.
love & peace.
In Christ,
Amy Wong
~~~ this is a note i wrote on my facebook but just wanted to transfer it here. ~~~~~ update.... 10/22/07 praise God. things are changing again and it's good. i am growing and learning and maturing. <3 remember, declare God's promises over urself. u need to. stop letting the enemy hit u up with lies! just stop. I have been SET FREE. hehe | | |
| feeling a lot better today glad that I can still stand strong with God by my side despite my emotional time periods oh boy, I know God has everything under control so i got to go out on the streets with the SLM staff today. it was fun. and i got to meet Denise. who has been coming out to Tompkins with them. that was cool. God is AMAZING in what He does and how He transforms us. I want to be write more but find myself drawing to do other things <3 | | |
| | Our Greatest Fear (a quote from Marianne Williamson
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
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I have a fear of expectations... >____< | | |
| Reflection On my First Week of Street Life Ministries... Monday morning:
I awake to a call 10:30 something in my parents bedroom. Wondering who in the world would call me on my house phone (now mind you i used my cell phone a lot), I sat up and listened to the person the other end of the receiver. The man spoke and stated his name, as he asked began to ask me if this was Amy, immediately had a feeling this was it. The conversation went on to him talking to me about getting ready by 4 PM and starting work then. But that was not the end of it, he told me that I needed to clearify with my parents and talk to them about my living arrangements, since I had previously stated a concern. Of course, my mother and I went to check out the place and finally it came down to deciding whether or not to let me go live here part time and go home the other part. It was amazing, my mother actually decided to let me do this, even supporting my funds here. Monday Afternoon:
My stomach twisted and turned, as I rushed to get to the streetlife home. It was already 4:10 when we left the house and i was suppose to be there at 4:00. By 4:15, I got out of the car, anixious as I ever was, I walked in and called Carol to find out where they were. They had already started their staff briefing, so I walked into David's office and sat. Immediately, I was told what my week would be like. We have two teams this week and I would wake up for tomorrow mornings breakfast prep. Wow, what a bummer i thought to myself. I am not use to waking up so early and making breakfast. I knew I had to depend on God for this one. Evening Time:
Finally the evening hit and it was a little past 6:30 by the time both teams entered in. I was excited, yet scared at the same time. I did not know what to expect from the first day introductions, only that it will be something I will have to get used to. I certainly had never been on a missions trip, let alone take charge of one. But, it was all good because, I knew I had the help of staff on streetlife to depend on. Both teams from Mass and Virginia were nice and seemed pretty open about being here in New York City. It looked like most of them were pumped and prepared to be here. The moment we entered into our meeting room, they shared a little bit about themselves and their reasons to being here this week. It was definitely a blessing to see and hear from them. I had a good time that first night. During our meeting, David spoke a lot about humility and how this week will be a challege for the people here esp, since it will be a new and different experience for them. He shared on Christ's humility in Philippians 2 and how we have to have that same attitude, we share and minister to others this week, we have to adapt Christ's attitude of humility and love. LOVE, what a big word that's been hitting me alot lately. Did you realize that love is the overal reason and message of the gospel? That without love, none of it would've been possible, that we would never be able to have salvation and know the true living God of this universe and the creator of all things. This concept of unconditional love is pretty amazing isn't it? Anyway, as David shared that night, I kept wanting to cry, there was just something so prime about what we do here as Christians, we believers in Christ that breaks me because we are reflectors of Him. And I think that's just so amazing how we are allowed that opportunity and made worthy of it by the blood that was shed. So, as that night for QT, I mediated on Phil 2 and Gala 2:20. It was pretty cool how God spoke me about the dying to self, is an act of obidence. Those thoughts really dawned on me because these past months, I have not been so consistant in thedying to myself part. But, it was amazing what God has done thus far this past week working at streetlife. My first full day started Tuesday 5:15 A.M. The night going into Tuesday morning I could not sleep and knowiung me, I love my sleep. So, I awoke a feeling of fear, because i was afaird that i would be too tired on my first day, of course, God was so gracious to give me the strength and then some to get through the day.
My First Day:
On my first day I got to minister to this drug addict. I cannot say how much that broke my heart, but at the same time, made me realize the truth and the hope and love we have in Jesus Christ. It was pretty amazing to me how God allow me to meet him and sat with him and talk to him, while he was still high. It was hard for me at times, because he kept falling asleep on me, but I kept asking God for the strength to love him like He loves us and to see him in that way. So, the guy and i got into a good conversation, and eventually he told me he will stop when he can and he wants to stop but needs a lot of help. Looking back on the experiences, I realized that the way that I just sat down and loved on the guy and accepted him as he was, was exactly Jesus saw and treated us "while we were still sinners, he came and die for us." In that same way, I felt like that was how God saw us, the sinners, the ones who were looked down upon, the ones who society scorned and kept out because we were too dirty to be with everyone else or Him better yet. Yet at the same time, he humbled himself and came down in form of man, and lived and dwell and minister to and cared and show loved to us. While we were still in our sinful selves. Do you get that? That's was funny how i was able to do the same for this man that met who was high off of heroine when we were talking, and was just in such a state of hopelessness and depression and caught up in addictions. Man, I just, was blown away at the fact that by doing so, I was able to get a glimpse of how Jesus felt. (even though I am not saying that I am exactly felt what He felt...). It was just the fact that, wow... throughout the whole time him and i were speaking, I just kept asking God for me to love him. And God allowed that to happen, for me to love him. That man really opened up to me and share a lot with me. And i think the only reason was because he saw that i cared when no one else around him did. (just like Jesus did). It was pretty amazing and I know that God will show me more experiences like that, and even greater things. I trust that He has something great planned for my life and for everyone around me. The rest of the week was full of God sightings too. I got to pray with a lot of people on the streets of Flushing, pray for my friends and even my cousin David. I was able to have good conversations with people at the Love Kitchen in the bronx (another place where homeless and drug addict ppl live around). And the Lord just brought someone back into my life who was a blessing to me. It was real nice being able to see from this lady who was like my spiritual mother at Unity Retreat. She really minister a lot into my life with some stuff that I was going through. There's just so much that I am so thankful for. Even though I might not know exactly where God is leading me to, and sometimes it does bother me, I know He will show me in His timing. =] sorry this ended up being a really long entry and turned a different direction almost. But knowing me, I can never keep just one thought. LOL | | |
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